My Grades: A*s no less, My Ambitions: Diminishing...

"TEENAGE GIRLS ARE NOW EXPECTED OF MORE IN THEIR YEARS OF EDUCATION THAN TEN YEARS AGO" - Mother of three. (Two Daughters and a Son.)

This blog may sound one sex sided, but since 1999, with 53% of girls getting getting five or more GCSE's at grades C or above, and only 42% of boys passing with five GCSE's at grade C or above, girls have been getting acedemically better than boys. So why is it teenage females are under the destructive pressures of having to meet the needs of:

Size zero, partical physicist, withe large breasts, and perfect hair extensions.

" From the age of five, girls wipe the floor with boys. They get the best exam results and the best university places, so why are our teenage daughters the most despondent people in britain?" - India Knight.

The influences of the media, strikes fear in every young teenage girl. Seeing the likes of Kate Moss, Victoria Beckham and Mischa Barton, who may I add was sectioned a fortnight ago, on the front covers of magazines. Looking flawless and perfect, with bigger breasts, thinner waist, nice legs, perfect hair and clothing and not an impurity to be seen. But these celebirtys are living with eatting disorders, sometimes drug use, have make-up artists and hair stylists, personal shoppers and live the photoshoped life.

Ten years ago... We didn't have computer games, we walked almost everywhere and we could eat Victoria Sponge and custard everynight after a large dinner. We could get into Oxford University with two A's and a B. And a second (2:2) in university was amzing, and a first was unheard of. Now girls and boys feel pushed to live out their parents dreams that were never furfilled, to get into uni, and get a first. Oxford now ask for three A's and an A* at the least, and girls are too scared to eat cake incase they put on one pound. Years ago you could get great GCSE grades, at C or above, and could be a size ten or twelve and be considered perfect. So now so many girls (imperticular) are driving themselves down a bottomless spiral to be six foot tall, size zero, intelligent, beautiful and furfill the needs of the education system.

Girls can have all A's and A*s at GCSE and A-level, get into a great university and have degrees coming out of their ears, and they still aren't happy, and still are not being empolyed!

I myself am a recovering Annorexic, I was three and a half stone, about 4'8 and only ten years old. It took me four years before I was at the weight of five stone. Now I am a seventeen year old female, awaiting my GCSE results in August with anxiety. I admitted I couldn't cope with all the work I was getting, and I am an above average student, as so said by my teachers. I was diagnosed with Annorexia again, as I refused to eat untill I revised enough, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Diorder due to so much pressure pushed apon me. I myself can admit that education has not got easier! It is not a walk in the park and that I am one of the people fearing not getting the grades I need to achieve, to carry on into further education.

"Young girls are the most depressed section of the population" - An offical Doctor said after reserching, and taking a survey of over 3,000 mid-teens in 2006.

It is oblivion... thats the fact of the matter, Annorexia, Bulimia, Self Harm, Depression and Anxiety has had a 24% increase in young people the past five years. So why is there so much pressure? Why has the world changed on us kids? Why must it be now that we must over achieve and work harder for the grades, universitys, and degrees? So what if we are the more intelligent generation. Theres these two things called Happiness and Satisfaction, and it is something, that I myself have not experienced in six years now, and I won't for another twelve in the future, because of the pressure of education.

x

Gosh it's been a while... So basically it's coming to the end of summer... well... sort've. I am not looking forward to the 27th of August... because I mean... GCSE results are out! =O How scarey is that!! Oh... save me... I am hoping for these grades:

Art: C

English Language: B

English Lit: B

Mathematics: B

Double Award Science: B, B

French: C or D

Geography: C

L.L.W: C

R.E: C

I know I sound dead pompous, but the ones with B's are the ones I need B's for....

I am so scared... I hope I get what I need. Ugh... Astro-physics seems so far away... =[

Anyhows, all summer I have been drawing! And I got told I have imporved so much... that made me feel good! Theres a few above.

So... yeah...

x

...Leaving Formal Education...

Left school... miss it so much... I cryed... =[ .

Heres the quote I have had on my msn awhile:

"... Perhaps we will forget tomorrow, and the kind words of today. But we will always cherish the memorys of our past 12J..."

...Nervous Breakdown...

Oks... basically I am scared as hell now. After last week traumatizing test of the non-calculator maths exam, being completely unexpected, and having barely anything we understood in it. I have been thrown off completely. So now I am freaking out.

My Calculator exam is on the 1st, at 9:30am. I am so scared that I will fail. Most people are only aiming for their C grades. But I need a B, but preferably an A to do A-level maths. And last weeks test wasn't exactly easy for me, so I need to do EXTREMELY well in this exam to pull it up. If I want a B over all in my GCSE maths, then I need a B in the exams. If I want an A, I need an A in the exams. It's so scary... I don't care if I have to do OCR. But if I got a C in it, and I couldn't take it for A-level I would re-sit the whole Maths GCSE because I couldn't handle not doing it at A-level. The reason for this is because I need Maths to help me comprehend Physics. So if I take Physics A-level, and I don't have the Maths one, I will most likely fail my A-level.

I finally learned how to do simultaneous equations, quadratic equations, and advanced fraction-anated algebraic equations with ease, which I am euphorical about. As they are highly likely to come up in my exam! I need a little practice on my frustum's and truncated parts, and a little on straight line graphs, but other than that I have revised my ass off. And I will still me all weekend. I will be in on Monday morning freaking out about the exam, most likely in tears with my Maths teacher Kerian, begging him to cheat like Peter and Tervr did in the R.E and Business Studies exams, by going in and looking at the test before the exam. Then coming out and telling us what is on the test, so we can revise it quickly before we go in.

I swear I bet I will cry my eyes out on Monday. I really hope Kerian will still help me on Monday morning before the exam....

That reminds me, I have grown to love Kerian, and hes became my favorite teacher, and I told him to his face, and now he has a little letter confirming it, so he'll always remember me. I also drew him a picture and wrote a poem on it, for him so he can remember me if I don't come back next year. (The picture at the top.)

So yeah basically I am gonna' have a nervous breakdown...

Love.

x

... GCSE art, and all the exams...

So... GCSE art is now over! Fini! Of course the examiner is coming in, either next week, or the week after, to moderate our work to make sure everything is being fairly marked. My Mental Health Exam is being moderated! Ahh! and the Final piece isn't done, as you can see! => Although it only needs a touch up here and there, if you know what I mean. I am just so happy that it's OVER! But, I was dissapointed the day I had to hand it all in, as I hadn't slept for over 48 hours, and I still wasn't completely happy with my projects standards. The only good thing was my Pencil Study page, for my unit three. (up at the top) It came out how I like my work to look.

Oh! also! My clay pot is done! for my unit two... it blew up in the kiln, so the side was distroyed, but I stuck it back on, and painted it, and the out come is above.

Yeah...

Oh! Another few things to mention, I came second in my school poerty compotition. =D Yay! Niall Scott deserved to win. Umm... L.L.W exam on the 6th of May, R.E on the 12th of May, I am choosing my A-levels on the 14th of May, and I am on study leave from the 14th also.

Yeah... so thats it so far!

... Perfectionism is distroying me ...

I am a perfectionist... an extremly insecure one. I fear everyone judging me. I hate people who dislike me. As I know their judging me... and that makes me even more insecure. I fight with myself mentally and physically to make my strengths stronger, and my weaknesses surpass themselves. But that slowly deteriorates my soul. People telling me that what I do is good, doesn't satisfie me. I was told by my teachers in primary school, that I was hardworking, but never happy with my outcome. And even now, I get told by my teachers. And Anne... as I am sure you know is a very wise lady. And she said on one of my essays "I bet Martine, if this was an A* YOU would still find a reason to put it down, as you would still want it to be higher than it can possibly be".
And she was right, I distroy myself. I distroy my soul, I distroy every bit of spirit I have, to surpass myself, to the point of where I breakdown. And it took alot for me to admit recently I couldn't cope. I have pride, which I lost by saying that. And I still am trying to prove it was just a moment of weakness.
As my biggest fear in the world, is failure. I am frightened... of failing... and becoming average... I just cannot bare it. I cannot bare people thinking of me either. As it is my biggest insecurity to be judged as I said before.
So... it is self-distruction that I am preforming right now... everything to prove to the world, that even with my faults of perfectionism, dislexia and everything else that is a flaw to me. That I am above average. And I will do everything even out of my power to prove it.
But in the end... I know... I trying... not to prove it to everyone, to my teachers, to the world.
But instead to myself.
But it is my perfectionism... that stops me from being happy... it distroys everything I have ever been happy about achieving...
so... i am hopeless.
I will never be who I want to be... because of my biggest insecurity... my biggest flaw... perfectionism.

...Contemplation...

...Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are freed from our own fear, our presence automatically frees others....

x